Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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