is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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