She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
