Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
