nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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