I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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