this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A bitchslap is in order.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
