Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
