New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
