How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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