He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
