i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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