Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
