the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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