So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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