he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
