Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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