you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
love makes seman taste better
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
