so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
