her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
