I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
