My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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