a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
