I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
zippers are such a cool invention
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
