The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
