I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
