There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
