I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
