I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
