got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize