Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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