Screwed.edu
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want her autograph on my taint
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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