FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
