now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
