I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
