it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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