You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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