dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
