I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
