No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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