remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
