if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize