Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
