oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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