Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize