you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
