take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
