So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
