she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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