Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
