I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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