So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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