ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
