My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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