I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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