Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
