i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
