This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
