Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
