You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
