Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
