ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
