Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
