saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
