spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
