He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
