I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
