tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
