I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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