I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
