508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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